Hi there diary, I’ve been here a long time ago, and I turn to u now coz I feel a strong desire to share and stamp it in a written form.
Sometimes I’m touched as nobody else, my heart cries with bloody tears, I cant find a shelter to cry my pain out, I wanna be left alone, like in the movie I’m a legend, by chance or on purpose, I don’t care, sometimes it can only cure me for the rest of my life, no soul around, no talks, just my confession to the stars, sky, sea and space. These 3 s I wanna learn and discover, embrace and hold for ever.
I’m a deep abyss, so hard to deny sometimes, coz I also need to live a life of an ordinary person, guy or girl, well, I prefer guy, coz somehow I feel reincarnation of my uncle under my skin. Hardly one can tell that I’m a girl, of course if u try hard u will mention nagging, but who doesn’t, even man can cry,but hides it, I experienced that a lot. So why hide, just to pretend u r strong, no, only when u cry u r strong, u think it’s bullshit, no that’s the earth’s salt, the essence of happendstance. Yeah, I do read some philosophical books, why not.
So the global problems I’m much aware of: the animal extinction, the climate changing, killing animals for fur and skin, famine in the poorest countries, wars for money, power and total world domination, striving to reach more money, respect, glamour, that sucks, I know I want it sometimes also, but the closer I get to this the faster I wanna run away. That’s the truth.
The most things that I do appreciate: freedom, undertanding and support. All I need.
I think I became a sceptic, but optimist. But I do still long for the absolute warmness of heart, that’s true feelings, now I lack them, but the choice of heart seems to be blind everytime, who’s to blame? 16:39 07.02.08