Start writing my personal news

What ever the world turns around i cant follow it as i keep going in the reverse side. What ever a person i am i need to have the twists and swings in my head to keep my organism work and live. I cant survive if i stop being positive and having my any tiny or huge aim.
If there appears some stupid obstacle i wish i had powers to stop myself thinking of a magic wand to spell it away, a magic mop to fly so high taht i would never have pressing-to-earth crazy- head worms and vomiting cockroaches all over the brain veins. It seems i am far away in the fairy tales every night in case i sleep well. Otherwise i am scared of darkness and imaginery monsters under my bed and the spooky shadows on the walls and windows.
Stunning and awful reality with it's unspeakable and undescribable freaks running and hiding around u. No way but death awaiting pleasure keeps my heart beat... No feelings, no pain, no thought, no hurts, desperate acts... and horrible nigthmares... just silence and neutrality...