Stop, pay attention, listen to yourself...

Hi, it's been a long time i didn't show up here, but finally i made it. Though i wasn't much eager to write about myself.  I want to turn around sometime, when i was so much carefree: no pain, no resposibility on my tender and weak shoulders/ Ahh, where had it gone? Will it return somehow, one day? When, if yes? I wish i knew...

I want to move way from terrible creature I live among.  My relatives try make me settle at my place for a long time, but I'm a nomad at heart, free, independent, cruel to those who stay close, that's why we quarrel so much and intense. I'm fed up with being so weak and move away from that, because i find many selfish reasons to stay andlive what i live. I dont earn enough to let myself be free and independent and i'm not eager to sacrifice my mind and body's comfort to be what i am, to be alone and satisfied. Why it's so complicated, isn't enough to run away or at least start my changes in my own life with my own hands? How poor of me, i can't but pity myself/

I wait, wait, wait, for the right moment, while having a great time with the wrong ones? Am I? What a bore I guess. 

I see myself travelling around the world, giving people what they want, teaching them, sharing valuable knowledge, taking part in social life, abroad, self-confident, amazing and sparkling ambitions, strong and mature person I have a right to be and become. 

Kids, family, cats and dogs, squirrels and racoons - only in a cool place, which i choose as my own and which i can call my home from basement to roof, from fence to back yard, from enemies to closest friends and a soulmate. 

It would only be my life, my own life, with my own beginning and my own end. True to life. True to myself. 

19:01 21/12/2008